"This might be it"

I’m putting this out there just to give myself accountability for the goals that I want to accomplish.

"It occurred to him that what had seemed utterly inconceivable before - that he had not lived the kind of life he should have - might in fact be true. It occurred to him that those scarcely perceptible impulses of his to protest what people of high rank considered good, vague impulses which he had always suppressed, might have been precisely what mattered, and all the rest had not been the real thing. His official duties, his manner of life, his family, the values adhered to by people in society and in his profession - all these might not have been the real thing. He tried to come up with a defense of these things and suddenly became aware of the insubstantiality of them all. And there was nothing left to defend.
"'But if that is the case,' he asked himself, 'and I am taking leave of life with the awareness that I squandered all I was given and have no possibility of rectifying matters - what then?' He lay on his back and began to review his whole life in an entirely different light."

- from The Death of Ivan Ilyich by Leo Tolstoy

For me, songwriting is an internal thing that organically just happens. I have some sort of primal need to express myself and share with others. I love writing and am compelled to do so by things in me that I don’t understand. I often wish that I could do a better job of it. Maybe this is a way of mentally purging all of the sensory and mental imagery that I deal with every day.

Some people abuse substances, I simply forget to exercise and live in my own head. Depression kicks in if I don’t play my music or write pretty quickly. It’s kind of scary or annoying depending on the day.  I have faith in myself that I’ll get there eventually.

Here’s a song I wrote about this “being it.” “It” being whatever thing it is you’re dealing with. Sometimes the ending of things and dealing with the fall out is easier than dealing with the process of things ending. Does the pain of it always make you stronger?  Who knows, who cares, why get all deep and philosophical? I prefer to just go with the flow and dance!

I'm channelling an Irish "Nancy Wiskey" vibe on this one.

"This might be it" -Timothy Pratt (c)2015

So I’m sliding down the deck
We’re sinking in artic
The tale of every wreck
Always sounds so romantic
 
I’ve read every single thing
On how to float along
Ice wraps around me
 like a placid song
 
I believe this might be it
I thought I saw it coming
I believe this might be it
Tapping out from fighting
I believe this might be it
this might be it
I believe this might be it
But everything’s gonna be fine
 
when I go
you can throw flowers in the saltwater
if you wanna
cry to feel better
always remember me your fighter
my burdens all now are lighter
maybe we’ll meet again someday
Somedaaaay
 
I believe this might be it
I thought I saw it coming
I believe this might be it
Tapping out from fighting
I believe this might be it
this might be it
I believe this might be it
But everything’s gonna be fine
But everything’s gonna be fine
 
 

 

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